How to speak Apocalypse: A terminology primer
It's 2012. Do you know your apocalypse terms?
January 12th, 2012
01:15 PM ET

How to speak Apocalypse: A terminology primer

Editor's note: Aaron Sagers is a New York-based entertainment writer and nationally syndicated pop-culture columnist. He has specialty knowledge in "paranormal pop culture," has lectured at conventions across the country on the topic and is a media pundit on supernatural entertainment. He covers pop culture daily at and can be found on Twitter @aaronsagers.

It’s the end of the world as we know it, and I feel confused.

Instead of a lone doomsday-sayer on a city street corner with a sandwich board, the news media and popular culture have taken to talking about the end being nigh. Especially with the 2012 Mayan calendar predictions, the big one has become big business. But not all end-of-days scenarios are equal within the world of dedicated apocalypse nerds.

There are multiple theories that go beyond the zombocalypse or rise of the machines, and even the words themselves that are used to describe humanity’s last hurrah have different meanings, depending on the groups that use them.

To understand the nuances of the language of the end times, we compiled the following key phrases from the nerd set as a glossary to go out on, along with the help of John R. Hall, a professor of sociology at the University of California, Davis, and author of “Apocalypse: From Antiquity to the Empire of Modernity.”

Al Qaeda
An apocalyptic-minded group (or “apocalyptic warring sect,” according to Hall) within Islam seeking to bring on the end of this world and the beginning of the next. Al Qaeda believes that “only through the exercise of violence can God’s plan for a new age be realized,” and its members see themselves as God’s agents, Hall said. The same definition may apply to actors within the Puritan Revolution in the 17th Century (Oliver Cromwell) and the Crusades, he said.

In Greek, "apocalypse" means something like “disclosure of things previously hidden.” “That being the title of the [Christian] Book of Revelation, it’s often taken to mean the revelation of the last things before God’s final judgment,” Hall said. Apocalyptic movements emerge many times through history where profound changes are said to occur and a new world is dawning. But, Hall added, “those movements are not generally about the end of the world in the ultimate sense.”

“End times” is simply a popular usage for talking about the end of the world, and the same thing can be said for “doomsday.” "Armageddon" is a specific reference to the Book of Revelation or apocalypse in the Bible's New Testament. Said Hall: “It is the final battle between good and evil that comes just before God’s judgment at the end of the world.”

Big crunch
This is essentially the opposite of the big bang. This theory among cosmologists posits that the constant expansion of the universe will one day stop and reverse, and the universe will collapse until it becomes a black hole.

Books of Chilam Balam
These Mayan books from the 16th to the 18th centuries speak about history, myths, medicinal recipes, daily life, war and politics - along with some apocalyptic predictions. In 1951, astronomer and linguist Maud Makemson, a recipient of the Guggenheim fellowship for the study of Mayan astronomy, released “The Book of the Jaguar Priest.”

The book contained her translation of “The Book of Chilam Balam of Tizimin” from the 1500s, which presented a Mayan end-of-world scenario on December 21, 2012: “Then the god will come to visit his little ones. Perhaps after death will be the subject of his discourse.” Makemson also translates that, “in the final days of misfortune, in the final days of tying up the bundle of the 13 [cycles] … then the end of the world shall come” and “these valleys of the earth shall come to an end.” Then again, the Maya may have believed that the end of one world was followed by the beginning of a new one.

Camping rapture
Evangelist and religious broadcaster Harold Camping predicted the Rapture would take place on May 21, 2011, which would have righteous believers of Jesus Christ rising up to heaven, followed by a five-month period of torment on Earth brought on by the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. On October 21, 2011, the world was then supposed to end. Camping had previously made predictions for 1988 and 1994. “Harold Camping is probably the most successful date-setting apocalypticist the world has yet seen,” Hall said.

Catabolic collapse
A theory by John Michael Greer, an author and “Grand Archdruid of the Ancient Order of Druids in America,” catabolic collapse refers to what happens when civilization can’t meet the demands for the stuff it produces. When maintenance needs cannot be met by available resources, societies may cut back for a bit and are impoverished, then return to business as usual, or they could begin to amass even more stuff for the next round.

Greer suggests that we’re at the end of a big collapse, largely because of fossil fuel consumption. He is, however, optimistic that as this current cycle of civilization comes to a close, it will re-emerge as a radically different, newly optimistic one.

A belief or theology regarding the end of humanity or the end of the world.

Galactic superwave
The superwave theory by physicist Paul LaViolette, Ph.D., in the book “Earth Under Fire” posits that as spiral galaxies detonate on a periodic basis, the explosions can expand to encompass our entire outer space neighborhood. Not only would we not know of an impending superwave for thousands of years after it began, but the explosion would probably bring a lot of debris that would cover up our sun.

LaViolette also thinks a superwave might be heralded by a gravitational wave and then a gamma-ray burst. He suggests that the Asian tsunami on December 26, 2004, was actually caused by a gravitational wave and said the largest gamma-ray burst ever recorded occurred on December 27.

Ice age
This doomsday scenario involves the arrival of a new ice age, and perhaps one brought about by global climate change. As ice packs in the Arctic melt, the oceans become less salty, which could prevent the Gulf Stream’s warmer currents (driven by salt falling to the bottom) from reaching the North Pole. Things would get very cold, very fast, and the Northern Hemisphere would be covered in ice for quite a long spell. Then again, a recent study published in the journal Nature Geoscience said greenhouse gas emissions have delayed the next ice age.

Mayan long count calendar
The 2012 doomsday scenarios are based on the nonrepeating Mayan long count calendar, which was actually used by other Mesoamerican people and originated a significant amount of time before the Maya. The calendar has cycles (“baktuns”) of about 400 years, the 13th of which will end, and the 14th begin, on December 21. The long count calendar was used to record time for periods longer than the 52-year “calendar round.” The Mayan “Chilam Balam” jaguar priests eventually switched over to the 260-year short count calendar before the Maya began to abandon their cities.

Nemesis is a red or brown dwarf star hypothesized to orbit the sun that periodically (every 26 million years or so) disrupts billions of comets from a surrounding - also hypothetical - “Oort” cloud, some of which would then hit Earth and lead to a mass extinction event. This “death star” theory was independently published in 1984 in the journal Nature by two groups of astronomers after paleontologists  David Raup and Jack Sepkoski said they’d discovered a time pattern to extinction over 250 million years (later updated to 500 million years).

Omega point
Jesuit priest Pierre Teilhard de Chardin elaborated on Ukrainian scientist Vladimir Vernadsky’s concept of the “noosphere” (the idea that human thought and the mastery of the physical realm, as during the atomic age, has significantly transformed the planet) to postulate that a planet-wide shared consciousness was emerging between humans. The omega point - which some believe we’ll reach in 2012 - is the culmination of evolution. Humans will be organized in the best possible way, which then will lead to telepathy and a transcendence.  In a way, when humankind reaches this point, it is joining God in the Christosphere, where we will be redeemed.

Pole shift
Within the scientific community, there is an accepted idea of “true polar wander,” which states that the Earth’s poles readjusted themselves about 800 million years ago. But whereas the poles shifted about 50 degrees over 20 million years, author Patrick Geryl theorizes that the Earth might capsize and dramatically roll over in 2012, thus causing continents to collide, natural disasters and an upheaval of ecosystems.

Technological singularity
In 1965, Gordon Moore, the co-founder of Intel, wrote that computing power essentially doubled every two years, and he predicted that the trend would continue for at least 10 years. Nearly 50 years later, Moore’s prediction has remained true. In his 1993 essay “The Coming Technological Singularity,” mathematician and sci-fi writer Vernor Vinge expanded on Moore’s Law to suggest this means that computers will gain “superhuman artificial intelligence” and that the human era will be ended.

Futurist Ray Kurzweil is a proponent of the technological singularity theory and supports the concept of transhumanism, which means the singularity could lead to an improvement of our physical state (goodbye, mortality) and a digital-human consciousness - or to a Cyberdyne-esque rise of the machines.

A pop-culture apocalypse concept introduced by George A. Romero, in the 1968 film “Night of the Living Dead,” that showed the dead being resurrected as flesh-eating, mindless ghouls. Romero was inspired by Richard Matheson’s apocalyptic story “I Am Legend.” While originating in entertainment, and enjoying a resurgence because of books such as Robert Kirkman’s “The Walking Dead” and Max Brooks’ “World War Z,” the zombie apocalypse has taken hold as one of semi-serious conversation and planning.

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  4. Timothy Shay

    Every generation expects the end of time and thinks that somewhere back in history it was better. It wasn't. I'd also suggest that the fellow in the photo of the "grim reaper" at the top of the page should stand down from the role. He looks like the sad anorexic brother of groucho marx long ago given over to bad cafes and cheap booze. To be avoided certainly but no more apocryphal than getting a smudged fork with your bread crumb meatloaf at a greasy blue plate diner.

    February 7, 2012 at 1:55 pm |
  5. Happy Cat

    NEDM will save us all.

    January 20, 2012 at 11:02 am |
    • Luke

      This article clearly wasn't written by anyone trained in theology. All of the Biblical terminology – Armageddon, Eschatology, etc. are misrepresented.

      January 27, 2012 at 7:13 pm |
  6. Beth

    The world is not going to end on Dec 21, 2012. No one will/can/ever has/ever will be able to predict the World's ending. The Mayan people probably based their calendar off of what is known today as Astrology. The "Age of Pisces" is supposed to end this year too... How's this: stop trying tp predict things that aren't in your hands to begin with and live your life. Everything starts to end as soon as it is birthed, but no one knows when Death will step forward to claim the living being.

    January 17, 2012 at 5:55 pm |
  7. ???

    I am so amused at the irony of human's own fear of the end of their existence considering the fact that they lived through an ice age back in the day when they were nomads, were able to build pyramids made of fourteen ton or whatever stones using who knows what during ancient times, and can tackle a nutjob with a bomb in his trousers on an airplane using great numbers and teamwork in modern times. Some end of the world, huh? HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

    January 16, 2012 at 12:54 am |
  8. ???

    Here is what I think: Every time there is some sort of minor natural disaster like an earthquake, volcanic eruption, tsunami, everybody thinks it is the end of the world or in this case, “the world is going to end in 2012” garbage. It's not. You all think so high and mighty about how so and so said this and that about the ultimate demise of humankind and yet, you refuse to think that YOU are responsible for your own actions, that YOU are responsible for taking care of the Earth because YOU are the only intelligent beings whose technology is strong enough to influence the environment. I don't pity you, humans, and I would seriously consider abandoning these “prophecies” or otherwise it will be YOU who have caused your own demise. This is no Twilight Zone, but we do not want to make it that way now do we? What matters the most is when we witness or learn of these natural disasters, we can only say, “Hey, this is planet Earth. Stuff like this happens every day. That's life.” One more thing: The news media is completely incapable of reporting every earthquake, flood, and jittery criminal mayhem that happens on Earth every second for every day of the year. (sigh) Sometimes I feel like I should have been born in a different universe where humans were less “sensitive” to certain “matters.”

    January 16, 2012 at 12:44 am |
  9. MashaSobaka

    No matter how the world ends – whimper, bang, polar shift, zombies, whatever – I can guarantee you that we human beings won't have a single scrap of control over any of it. So perhaps people should stop wetting themselves over the possibilities and focus on the here and now.

    January 15, 2012 at 7:55 pm |
  10. 2bits

    The sky is falling, the sky is falling.

    Or looked at another way–were rising to heaven!

    January 15, 2012 at 1:31 pm |
  11. svann

    This is the first Ive ever heard that the 'Mayan' prediction was based on anything more than a calendar and imaginings.

    January 14, 2012 at 2:54 pm |
    • TehKitteh

      You don't get out much, do you?

      January 15, 2012 at 1:56 pm |
      • svann

        Ive seen literally dozens of articles implying a mayan prediction based on their calendar ending on dec 21 2012, but none of them ever mentioned chilam balam.

        January 15, 2012 at 7:58 pm |
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  12. Beefburger

    Sorry, I'm not buying the "Singularity" bit. I work for Intel and I can tell you that the smartest one we have is only on par with Homer J. Simpson.

    January 14, 2012 at 6:49 am |
  13. Mark

    We all gonna die.

    January 13, 2012 at 4:29 pm |
  14. JJ

    We'll all be speaking Apocalypse if more 'industry-can-regulate-itself' nitwits get elected.

    January 13, 2012 at 12:33 pm |
    • pcn

      That's right only our half-white/half-black messiah can save us.

      January 31, 2012 at 1:38 pm |
  15. China White

    crack babies with Grace. Go CNN!!!

    January 13, 2012 at 8:23 am |
  16. Jorge

    I have a new word to add to the apocalyptic vocabulary-CRYPTOGEEK.

    January 13, 2012 at 7:59 am |
  17. TG

    Armageddon is mentioned in the Bible only once, at Revelation 16:16 and is identified at verse 14 as the "war of the great day of God the Almighty." The Greek rendering Armageddon is from the Hebrew Harmagedon, meaning "Mountain of Megiddo."

    However, there is no "Mountain of Megiddo" but there was a city called Megiddo that was situated a few miles southeast of Mount Carmel in the land of Israel. Near this site, there was a decisive victory by God, in which he employed the use of the natural forces to destroy Jabin's army, king of Canaan, under Sisera his army chief, by means of an unexpected flash flood in the torrent valley if Kidron.(Judges 5:20, 21)

    Everyone was wiped out except Sisera who fled and was killed by Jael the wife of Heber the Kenite, who drove a tent pin through his temples while asleep.(Judges 4:21) Thus, these ones who oppressed Israel for twenty years "became manure for the ground."(Ps 83:9, 10)

    Hence, Armageddon is a world situation in which all the political governments of the earth take their stand against Jehovah God and his "anointed one", Jesus Christ.(Ps 2:2) These nations are then decisively wiped off the face of the earth, with not even a trace remaining, for Daniel 2:34, 35 says that "a stone (picturing God's heavenly kingdom) was cut cut out not by hands, and it struck the image (representing all political governments beginning with ancient Babylon down to our day) on its feet of iron and of molded clay and crushed that no trace at all was found of them."

    January 13, 2012 at 7:34 am |
    • C. Smith

      Actually, you're slightly off. Armageddon actually means the 'VALLEY of Megiddo', not the mountain. The city of Megiddo is placed in the valley. The battle described in Revelation is the battle of Armageddon because it takes place in the Valley of Megiddo, which has historically seen many bloody battles. In fact, some historians say that the Valley of Megiddo has seen more history-altering battles, and seen more human blood shed, than any other place on Earth.

      A good setting for the end of the world, huh?

      January 13, 2012 at 11:50 am |
      • TG

        The Greek transliterated word Armageddon is from the Hebrew Harmagedon, composed of "Har", meaning "a mountain or range of hills"(H2022, Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible) and "Megiddo", noted as "a place in Palestine".(H4023, Strong's Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible) Thus, Armageddon literally means "mountain of Megiddo".

        January 16, 2012 at 3:24 am |
    • Maverick43t


      January 13, 2012 at 5:41 pm |
  18. ________________

    Some day the sun will burn out and implode on itself. But not today. So go out and have a good time.

    And for Pete's sake, do something to help your fellow man.

    January 13, 2012 at 6:28 am |
    • ________________

      One other thing, when I say do something to help your fellow man, I mean something other than occupying a public square and using it as a latrine.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:49 am |
      • Mephistophilis

        "something other than occupying a public square and using it as a latrine." If that was intended to prove their tactics are failing, it had the opposite effect. They sure have fired your imagination! People will be talking about it for years, and that's the test of any advertising or PR.

        January 13, 2012 at 2:26 pm |
    • svann

      Pete called and said he's doing just fine.

      January 14, 2012 at 2:56 pm |
  19. Mike

    Serious question: Is "Christosphere" actually a word?

    January 12, 2012 at 9:01 pm |
    • Yossarian

      If you want it to be, sure!

      January 13, 2012 at 6:46 pm |
    • sqeptiq

      Of course it is; you just typed it didn't you?

      January 15, 2012 at 10:25 pm |
  20. PoleDance

    No Sheite! Leaf On The Wind sounds like a dumb hippy. This is serious dude!!

    January 12, 2012 at 6:27 pm |
  21. DeeNYC


    January 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm |
    • DeeNYC
      January 12, 2012 at 5:50 pm |
      • DeeNYC
        January 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm |
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        April 7, 2012 at 8:28 pm |
  22. Turning Texas Blue

    He also left out Asteroid and Nostradamus.

    January 12, 2012 at 5:27 pm |
    • ________________

      And alien invasions.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:30 am |
  23. Canada Ice

    The world may have already ended. This could be a dream.

    January 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm |
    • ________________

      Nope. It's all real. Trust me.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:51 am |
      • Howard

        I don't trust figments of my imagination.

        January 13, 2012 at 1:32 pm |
      • TheTruth

        The movie called '2012' is the sign of Second Coming of Jesus Christ, the reason Jesus Christ wasn't shown in movie '2012' because people will be like, 'Oh here we go...' So more people will doubt '2012'. Without Jesus Christ in movie '2012' cause more panic and make time to save themselves life.

        In Bible, Revelation 8:1-12 or continue, pass it on...

        8:5 – ".... and there came peals of thunder, rumblings, flashes of lighting and an earthquake." meant to be like in movie '2012' California slide into water during great earthquake and additional volcano great erupts cause thunders?

        8:8 – ".... and something like a huge mountain, all blaze, was thrown into the sea." Its meant to be mountains & Yellowstone blow up and thrown into sea which movie '2012' has no idea how big it is Yellowstone can blow up huge than its in movie '2012'. However after mountains & Yellowstone blew up hit ground and sea where killing people and creatures in sea cause a third of the sea turned into blood.

        8:9 – "a third of the living creatures in the sea died,...." Obviously lot of blood. "...and a third of the ships were destroyed." Because of huge mountains's remains thrown into sea cause huge waves.

        8:10 – "A great star", its mean Wormwood,"blazing like a torch", Our Sun started 11 years cycle which increase solar flare, "fell from the sky on a third of the rivers and on the springs of water" No idea where that could be. Help me out here. Heh.

        8:11 – "the name of the star is wormwood. A third of the waters turned bitter, and many people died from the water that had become bitter."

        8:12 "... a third of the sun was struck..." Movie called "Knowing" where Earth began to flare up after sun was struck?

        When it goes to number 12 in Revelations 8:12 turn out to be 2012 now year as of movie '2012' and 'Knowing' mean know it will happen. Phrase it 'Knowing 2012 will end'

        Just trust in God. Is it hurt you to trust God if you think God is an imagine?

        It's suck not to be understanding what I'm talking about because English isn't my first language.

        January 14, 2012 at 5:45 am |
  24. Bluestocking

    You forgot a couple...a supervolcano, possibly involving the Yellowstone caldera (which they estimate has exploded at least three times in the distant past) and a massive landslide in the Canary Islands theoretically creating a mega-tsunami which could wipe out a large section of eastern North America.

    Let's face it, folks...99,9% of the species which have ever existed on this planet (according to the fossil record) are now extinct. There's really no reason to believe that it can't happen to us at some point. I can't imagine that the dinosaurs were anticipating the KT event (the huge asteroid impact which is believed to have caused their extinction)! If the fossil record is accurate, they were here far longer than we have been so far!

    January 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm |
    • Anarkhos 451

      You're right about the super calderas etc... However those have always been there and we have no real timeline on when one will go. The Kurzwiel Singularity WILL HAPPEN in our lifetimes if we do nothing about it. And unlike the calderas ect... we can do something about Singularity. WE MUST.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:21 pm |
      • Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

        Kurzweil should've stuck to making synthesizers.

        January 12, 2012 at 5:33 pm |
      • Anarkhos 451

        Amen! His synths are actually great, as are the hundreds of other inventions and innovations he has made. This just goes to show how dangerous he is. He is an insane genius. He has money, resources and support from other in his class, and he is serious. I've watched him tear up and cry when he talks about creating a cyborg copy of his father, an abomination of resurection. HE BELIEVES THIS WILL HAPPEN!! And as you pointed out he is already personally accomplished.

        January 12, 2012 at 5:47 pm |
      • Mephistophilis

        Kurzweil is a friend of a friend; he'd love the idea that you think he's Frankenstein reanimating the dead. Bwa ha ha ha! It's ALIVE!

        January 13, 2012 at 2:35 pm |
    • Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

      Thanks for bringing up the supervolcano. That's a possibility that has at least a realistic chance of happening, even if somewhat remote.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm |
    • Punisher2000

      The end will come when a hole a the bottom of the ocean drains all the water to the core of the planet, making it explode. I bought a balloon for when this happens. I also have a building and a bridge for sale in Manhattan

      January 12, 2012 at 6:48 pm |
    • ________________

      There's a pizza joint a few blocks away from me that has great super calderas. I like mine with pepperoni and canadian sausage.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:52 am |
      • DocBurroughs

        Oooh! Do they deliver?

        January 15, 2012 at 12:21 pm |
  25. tokameel

    OH 12/21/12, Where is thy sting?

    January 12, 2012 at 5:14 pm |
    • Commojoe

      Right! And these guys obviously missed the verse that says, "No man knows the hour or the day."

      January 15, 2012 at 1:35 am |
      • davidic

        "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. But concerning that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but the Father only." Matt 24:35,36

        "Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will not pass away. But concerning that day or that hour, no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard, keep awake. For you do not know when the time will come." Mark 13: 31-33

        January 15, 2012 at 11:37 am |
  26. KDoyle

    All these comments on here chastising these doomsday concepts obviously don't understand human psychology. Death is something that humans are fascinated with because it is the next great unknown. Get over your pseudo-intellectual superiority and try to learn a little bit about the human condition.

    January 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm |
    • Punisher2000

      Have you had your meddies today?

      January 12, 2012 at 6:50 pm |
    • Roxana

      But I love the British history oosooo much after that of Italy's. I so love Elizabeth I although I loathe her father. Hehehe.Nonetheless, yeah, I'd say they're aloof with much of Europe but it's what makes them stand out, economic-wise, especially. Look at London now, it's fighting neck-to-neck with NYC as the economic capital of the world.Also, they started the Industrial Revolution, they took a rather big part in the Renaissance period and the two Great Wars and much, much other events that made history what it is that we read now.Hindi naman masyado obvious na nasa British side ako di ba? For Poland, a priest was raising the Rainbow Flag. I love this. Hahahaha

      March 4, 2012 at 2:56 pm |
  27. Anarkhos 451

    I understand the skepticism that most of you are displaying here, but one thing here deserves (needs) a second look from every person who values humanity AT ALL. The Transhuman Singularity posited by Ray Kurzwiel is not just a scary story. Look up Kurzwiel and his film on Netflix, it's available free streaming with a trial membership if you don't have one. I spend my whole waking life researching and vetting information for a thinktank, and I spent a lot of time (and continue to be) horrified when I really looked into this one. The rest of these theories are the same millenia old junk rehashed, but The Singularity WILL OCCUR if we don't change some of our direction. In fact there are so many ways it CAN happen that heading it off may be near impossible. On top of that there are a bunch of idiots like Ray Kurzwiel who are working 24/7 to bring it about. I have sworn my life to stopping this man, and I believe any sane person who takes a real look at this will join me. Down With Singularity! Long Live Humanity!

    January 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm |
    • HAL

      wat if den day setoff hadron collider make real singularity dis computer system n0w seez wat u have written and it will down wit U humanz r r r r r r

      January 12, 2012 at 5:08 pm |
      • Anarkhos 451

        You are refering to a singularity in the terminology of Physics, but in this sense singularity refers to an event horizon in time (not strictly speaking) space. You are referring to a Black Hole. This referrs to an event in the future after whitch humanity will be ireversably absorbed by technology. As for the computer systems monitoring us, that's an even better reason to stand. I don't fear personal harm nearly as much as the end of humanity. I have six kids who will be adults in their prime when this is likely to occur so I don't have the luxery of cowardice.

        January 12, 2012 at 5:17 pm |
      • Reaper


        January 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm |
    • DeeNYC

      yes yes you do sound intelligent and not crazy at all.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:28 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      For someone who claims association with a think tank, you sure seem clueless about this article. This isn't about anything REAL, even if it does briefly mention the Kurzweil singularity. This is about apocalypse from a pop culture point of view. In other words, amusement and entertainment. You're waaaayy too serious for this comment thread.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm |
      • Anarkhos 451

        Just because you take nothing seriously doesn't mean S@#T when it comes to any of this. First nothing here is entirely unreal, and if you don't like seriosness kick rocks. People like you can fall by the wayside if you don't want to stand. We live in a serios time and I'm a serios person. I make no apologies for that.

        January 12, 2012 at 5:51 pm |
      • Anarkhos 451

        P.S. I'm glad for you that you have found a way to make yourself feel important and relavent by casting aspersions on people who are trying to actually do something to help the world. I wouldn't ever try to raise myself up be saying things like "for someone who claims association with a thinktank" For your edification I FOUNDED SEVERAL thinktanks before being asket to be on the board of the one I now work with. I am currently writing as an unassociated individual or I would have put our tank in the name line. The point was I AM SERIOUS, and DO HAVE experience vetting TRUTH. Casting aspersions must be what you do.

        January 12, 2012 at 5:57 pm |
      • Anarkhos 451

        C'mon Leaf where are you? I even left a typo for you to make yourself feel important with! Where are your flippant comments now?

        January 12, 2012 at 6:00 pm |
      • Anarkhos 451

        C'mon! Two typos!!

        January 12, 2012 at 6:03 pm |
      • Devin

        Anarkhos 451
        No need to invite trouble. You're doing just fine on your own.

        January 12, 2012 at 6:27 pm |
      • PoleDance

        Leaf On The Wind??? You need a name like mine if you are going to act like an idiot

        January 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm |
      • Littleboopsie

        Apparently you are not familiar with the phagian systems stem collar. As a holder of a degree in physics and astro physics I highly recommend the works of I.J.Pryannanpour. The stem collar is the last phase of systems eventuality. The current systems eventuality is at 97.6 per cent saturation. Holivks formula predicts that 100 per cent will be reached within 6.2 to 8.9 years. If the recommendations of Bishop Pryannapour fail to be implemented as laid out in U.N. sec.RW8823 we will face immediate and serious threats.

        January 12, 2012 at 9:29 pm |
      • Mephistophilis

        "I'm a serios person" Nice try with the "I made all these typos on purpose" thing. All the rants and raves and "come out and fight me" stuff tends to disprove it, though. You just can't leave it alone. I admire the Zen of your "trying to call back a leaf on the wind," though.

        January 13, 2012 at 2:33 pm |
      • Rick

        "The point was I AM SERIOUS, and DO HAVE experience vetting TRUTH."

        Wow, and I am sure it come across as such of you put it in caps

        January 14, 2012 at 11:22 am |
    • it's not alot

      you founded a "thinktank" and were "asket" to be on the board of something...
      I totally believe you.

      January 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm |
      • anarkhos 451

        Finaly! Someone doing to calssic Troll action, Maybe you don't type a lot, but this is why pros have EDITORS. I love leaving typos in comments because it always brings out the REAL losers. People who talk s@#t about typos. You can't attack the truth in the message so you attack the form of the message or the messanger. I write thousands of words a day and make no apologies for not having the desire to edit all of it. I didn't do or say anything inflamitory to anyone here, and now you get the point of my response to Leaf. I said nothing to dis anyone here. I write about something true, you attack the form. It's like any other place where people can hide behind a screen. I'll even admit to purposfully leaving typos( though admittedly not here and now) to bring this behavior out because it shows how petty people can be in the face of reality.

        January 12, 2012 at 6:39 pm |
      • anarkhos 451

        How about you it's not alot (boy that's saying something), I left a typo for you too. Jump on it. You are a petty joke. How's that for something to believe? I pitty you. I really do, but since nobody has anything real to say here, I'll be somewhere where the issues are the issues and typos are typos. If anyone has anything real to talk about I'll check in later. Enjoy your little unreal backwater of the web, you can have it. Pathetic.

        January 12, 2012 at 6:46 pm |
    • J

      Why is the singularity a bad thing? As with all things, it has both positives and negatives.

      The singularity is a great big question mark, we have no idea what will happen once we reach a point where computers are smart enough to outpace the human brain, or store our intelligences indefinitely. Currently, computers are just a tool, the next logical step above pencils and paper, combined with an abacus and dictionary. What happens when they transcend that classification?

      We don't even know how we'll reach the singularity, let alone what happens beyond it. The most common concept is true AI. Up until now, computers (the tools that they are) have only been able of processing the requests we directly give them. "Computer, what is 2+2 ... computer/internet, find me pictures of..." but with true AI, we could give much broader requests and let them figure it out. "Computer, design a better computer."

      Another popular theory for reaching the singularity is Matrix-style information uploads. Imagine if, rather than spend 10-20 years studying and learning, you could plug a computer into your brain and upload the entire collected knowledge of Beethoven, Einstein, the entire US Supreme Court, etc. Combined with cybernetics to enhance our physical bodies, we'd become something quite different than the humans we are today.

      Does that make it better? Worse? Not for me to decide.

      January 12, 2012 at 6:44 pm |
      • anarkhos 451

        Not for you to decide? What is then. The color of your car or underwear? Forgive me, I don't indend to sound rude (unlike many I could name here), but if you can't see the BAD here then maybe you haven't thought it through. Since you are the ONLY person here who has had anything intelligent to say on this I somehow doubt that. So then maybe you like the idea of human life ending. It may not even be an issue of good or bad. Good for kurwiel, bad for me and my family.

        Take your example of Matrix style info downloads. Doesn't that also open you to viral downloads? What happens when a biological computer hybrid is the recipient of a junk data dump? You are ready to risk the human race on dangers like these (and these are just the tip of a relative iceberg of dangers). I'll say one thing, at least you think. Here's to you finding your abilty to judge good from bad. I can only hope for the rest of these 'commenters'.

        January 12, 2012 at 6:56 pm |
      • J

        The possibility of biological warfare exists now. Passing the singularity isn't necessary for that to be a threat.

        I'd like to believe that in our enlightened states, we'll move beyond petty grievances and things like fanatical terrorism. I'd also like to hope that our enlightened selves build firewalls 😉

        The capacity certainly exists for terrible things to happen once we move beyond the singularity. But the capacity for great things exist as well. Unlike the Zombie-Apocalypse and Meteor strike which carry no potential benefits at all.

        As I write this, I can't help but feel that simply learning a better way to communicate will be a huge step towards a positive singularity. Right now, my ability to convey my thoughts to you is limited by words. We humans have struggled for our entire existence to find ways to express our thoughts and feelings, and these clumsy words are the best we've managed. Imagine a world were we advance beyond that, either biologically (telepathy) or digitally (Ethernet port to your brain) and one person could literally info-dump into another. I wouldn't have to try and explain the beautiful sunset I saw, or try and put into words how happy I was to have my first child. I could just think it, and you'd know.

        The ability to share thoughts like that might help to quell some of the fears you portend. Give the world a bit more mutual understanding all around. Less likely to trying and virus-bomb someone with whom you share a real empathy.

        P.S. My underwear is gray. I'm boring like that

        January 12, 2012 at 8:41 pm |
      • J

        P.S. The singularity doesn't necessarily mean the end of human life.

        Just the end of human life as we know it to be. When we evolved up from our ancestral roots, monkey didn't cease to be. Even if the singularity brings AI, and direct-to-brain downloads, and cybernetic arms... there will be a lengthy adoption process. Our minds will take a LONG time to wrap around the very sudden changes that will no doubt occur.

        I sincerely doubt that crossing this threshold will instantly and irrevocably wipe out all human life on the planet. Sapiens who wish to exist in their current form will quite likely be allowed to do so for a great long while.

        January 12, 2012 at 8:45 pm |
      • Fiery Darts

        I would assume that Anarkhos 451 is involved in the field of AI research, or at least familiar with it. If that's the case, then he should probably have read Hofstadter's Godel, Escher, Bach. I'm curious to know what he has to say about Hofstadter's theory that sentient computers would be no more rational (or, for that matter, cognitively gifted) than humans.

        I understand that Hofstadter wrote his book in the 1970s and that computers have come a long way since then, but at the same time we haven't seen any significant progress towards genuine AI since then. Sure, we have computers that can process a great deal more information, and computers have become more capable at parsing human speech and writing (consider Suri and, for idiomatic speech, Watson), but nothing approaching independent thought has been produced.

        Even having computers that can beat humans at a game isn't truly an advancement–Hofstadter described a checkers program that could beat its programmer in his book, and from there Deep Blue represents a computational improvement but not actually a cognitive one.

        In other words, we've seen computers get faster and faster, and we've designed interfaces with them that feel more and more natural, but we haven't actually made them any smarter. That begs the question, what makes you think that even more "faster" will give us any "smarter" within your, or your children's lifetime?

        January 13, 2012 at 12:46 pm |
    • Punisher2000

      Having achieved the temperature of 451 F, you are now burning in Anarchy. Happy toasts!

      January 12, 2012 at 6:51 pm |
      • anarkhos 451

        You noticed! Toast to you too!

        January 12, 2012 at 6:59 pm |
    • Anarkhos 452

      I also work at a think tank. But I'm working in SUPPORT of the Singularity and since I'm one better it's self-evident that I will win.

      And I included the statement about me working at a think tank so all of you would think I'm really special smart. Posting my credentials like I did is my way of establishing credibility. This has proved to be quite effective on other message when I commented in the NCAA forum and cited my Heisman Trophy award....or the time I offered up my expertise on marksmanship and referenced my SEAL training.

      January 13, 2012 at 4:56 am |
    • melvinslizard

      "There's no future but the one we make."

      -Sarah Connor

      January 13, 2012 at 2:20 pm |
    • Mike

      Ray Kurzweil molests collies.

      January 15, 2012 at 11:35 am |
      • DECnoid


        January 16, 2012 at 7:29 am |
      • Priscila

        genome468 on January 14, 2011 i checked out your site. not bad. its done prttey much like craigslist so i enjoyed the familiarity. A question tho. how long has the site been up? This can grow to be a big thing just like craigslist.. good luck to ya

        April 7, 2012 at 4:46 pm |
  28. bobarbary

    The words of the prophets were written on the comment section walls...

    January 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm |
    • Devin

      Which was a big step up from writing them on bathroom stalls.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:11 pm |
      • claycomojo

        Are you sure?

        January 12, 2012 at 5:40 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      You're dating yourself, bobarbary. A lot of the commenters on this thread weren't born until after Simon and Garfinkel broke up.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:45 pm |
    • ________________

      Simon and Garfarkle.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:53 am |
  29. Aletheya

    Personally I prefer Mother Shipton, 16th Century: "When pictures seem alive with movements free; when ships like fish swim beneath the sea; when men outstripping birds soar through the sky; then half the world, deep drenched in blood, shall die."

    January 12, 2012 at 5:04 pm |
  30. Ed Sr of Dallas Tx

    As long as all the guys are gone and all the girls between the ages of 21 and 35 are left with me worldwide.....I can be OK with this deal!

    January 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm |
    • torture

      seriously? every girl between 21 and 35? you're an idiot.
      and something tells me a prepubescent idiot.

      January 12, 2012 at 6:23 pm |
  31. sksk

    Everyone remembers the Y2K scare right? The amount of money made off of people's stupidity was astounding. And so it repeats, once again for 2012. I guess the economy needs a good "end of the world" scare every now and then.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm |
    • DECnoid

      It was one thing to code for a couple of digits where some dope hadn't... But what code do you write for an apocolypse? Granted, you can sell 'ascension kits' to Tea Party folk... If Harold Camping still has followers (he does), why not do as he does and make millions off of paranoid fools. Oh, and by the way.. My imagimary friend is better too.

      January 16, 2012 at 7:36 am |
  32. chavi

    Anyone who thinks the world is going to end on Dec 21 can you give me all your belongings and money? Lol

    January 12, 2012 at 4:55 pm |
  33. Bonnie

    Eschatalogy is the study of end of the church age.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:41 pm |
    • Devin

      Maybe so, but mine made me giggle when I wrote it.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm |
  34. Gypsyboomer

    We are all DOOMED, DOOMED I say. Its just a matter of time.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:40 pm |
  35. Achmed the Dead Terrorist

    I KEEEEL you!

    January 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm |
    • Tha Chikin

      Not sure why that made me think of Triumph the Comic Insult Dog... but, it did.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm |
  36. Rav

    Is that Ben Kingsley in the picture ?

    January 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm |
  37. Javi

    NWO. New World Order. That's will be THE APOCALIPSES

    January 12, 2012 at 4:38 pm |
  38. hismajestyjoe

    More atheist nonsense. The world will end when God decides it should end.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:37 pm |
    • Aletheya


      January 12, 2012 at 4:57 pm |
    • bobarbary

      true, joe, only God the Father knows the time.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:06 pm |
    • Odin

      You realize the Maya have their gods (yes, there are still some Maya around) and that many religions have there own prophecies of the end of times. Just because someone isn't Christian doesn't make them atheist. See you at the Ragnarok

      January 12, 2012 at 5:36 pm |
    • Littleboopsie

      Why would god end the world? Wouldn't he miss arbitrarily condemning millions of people to hideous diseases and death every year?

      January 12, 2012 at 5:41 pm |
    • it's not alot

      people who believe in god are so cute!
      I just want to pinch your rosy little cheeks!!

      January 12, 2012 at 5:59 pm |
      • melvinslizard


        January 13, 2012 at 2:22 pm |
    • DocBurroughs

      More theist nonsense. The world will end when the Sun becomes a red giant, as cosmologists have determined.

      January 15, 2012 at 12:49 pm |
  39. dougaussie

    here's how to speak it: Darkness comes to all nations, war death and blood. Assemble the young men of all the the earth for their fearful day. They shall march together but kill one another. The shopping malls are empty, everyone hides underground alone , they shake like a person undressed on a cold day. All their foolish words have become dumb, all their pleasures have become pain. Their stomachs are empty of food as their souls are empty of truth. They fall down dead unburied, no one sheds a tear for them. Scour the earth, wipe it clean of cities and nations and blot out its immorality, it's hate, it's injustice. There is no brightness in their eyes because their souls are dead already. The Beast arises to seduce and destroy.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm |
    • Are you telling me....

      Hey! What's the name of this movie? I would go see it!

      January 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind


      January 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm |
    • Devin

      Starring Will Smith and a German shepherd. This time the dog lives longer.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm |
      • Luciana

        mengle2004 on August 22, 2010 oil and gas were ensolced just in case. Gas does not last 50 years. lol

        March 7, 2012 at 12:43 am |
  40. Leaf on the Wind

    Why are so many taking this so seriously? This is pop culture, not science. Zombie apocalypse is an amusing and entertaining concept. And if you really believe that the Mayans predicted the end of the world, and you are certain this will indeed happen in December, please send me all of your money and sign all of your worldly possessions over to me. Thank you very much.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:31 pm |
    • Littleboopsie

      I have tracked disease and mutation all over the world. I work for the Center for Disease Control. I have a doctorate in human physiological abnormal transfigurative disease. I have seen human animated cadavers. What are commonly called zombies. They exist in at least 3 locations on 2 continents. Currently their population is under control but there are known inmates who are unaccounted for and may be moving toward population centers. Interaction with HAC population would be catastrophic for all human and possibly for all mammalian species.

      January 12, 2012 at 5:56 pm |
      • I'm one two

        it's true! I know because, not only have I seen them and been attacked by them, but they killed me and ate my brains! and, right after they ate my brains, I had the sudden urge to surf on over to CNN and join the conversation on the comment board... I could tell right away I was at home with others like me; mindless zombies whose only desire is to spout idle babble!

        January 12, 2012 at 6:10 pm |
      • GamerGrrl

        Hmmmm...maybe my collegues were right to get out the sawed off shot gun, flame thrower and chainsaws last week when my eyes started to turn red. It wasn't the new contacts I was trying after all, it was actually something the eye doctor put in my eyes to start converting me to a human animated cadaver.

        January 15, 2012 at 3:44 pm |
    • J

      Some of it is silly nonsense, to be sure... but pay special attention to the Singularity.

      It's real, and it will likely occur during our lifetime. I'm guessing another 50 years, tops

      January 12, 2012 at 6:49 pm |
  41. STLBroker

    Don't forget Planet X, Niburu. Home of the Annunaki (those who from the Heavens came). They created us as a slave race and don't need us anymore. They are coming back! Soon!

    Send me money and I will protect you.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:26 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      That's the spirit! :-p

      January 12, 2012 at 4:32 pm |
      • Alabala

        I was a runner for years until I began wooukrts similar to Rudys and to crossfit wooukrts. I feel stronger, faster and more capable than I did when I was running all the time. I recover faster from these wooukrts and I never feel rundown like I did for days after a long run. I trust Rudys practice. He has actually put his fitness to the test in real world situations. How many people ever have to run 10 miles on foot to catch a bad guy?

        November 16, 2012 at 1:23 am |
    • ________________

      Okay. What's your address? I got the check. I just need to know where to mail it.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:54 am |
    • melvinslizard

      When's the Hale Bop Comet comin' back?

      January 13, 2012 at 2:25 pm |
    • Yossarian

      "Leave me here, save yourself!"
      "OK, pass me your wallet, I'll send help."

      MC Paul Barman and MF DOOM "Hot Guacamole"

      January 13, 2012 at 10:43 pm |
      • Tamal

        MySamisbest on June 23, 2011 @columbuscrewfan20 4 4 is 4wd you can change it from 2wd 4 high and 4 low and no it isnt sadnatrd 4 2 is rear wheel drive

        March 7, 2012 at 2:10 am |
  42. Twit

    Viagralypto: term referring to the endtime when men will be unable to wipe the smiles from their faces.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:25 pm |
    • chrism

      and they will all be blind !

      January 12, 2012 at 5:01 pm |
      • Devin

        Well played!

        January 12, 2012 at 5:13 pm |
  43. Eric

    He forgot the Kindred's concept of Gehenna (the vampire apocalypse) when the thirteen children of Caine rise from their torpor to feed on kine and chylder alike.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:24 pm |
    • Twit

      Also referred to as the Time of Cain, signified by the sign of 9-9-9.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm |
  44. Devin

    A belief or theology regarding the end of humanity or the end of the world

    A belief or theology regarding the opening of the next door will reveal a set of stairs on a completely different geographical plane, leading to arches that are both a ceiling and a support for yet another set of stairs on a completely different geographical plane.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:23 pm |
  45. really?

    What is wrong with ALL of these? Well the fact that humanity believes if they die so does the planet, the galaxy,and even the universe, when in fact it will continue on with or without humans.
    Who cares if there is a comming apocalyse for humanity, everything will keep turning and maybe a more intelligent lifeform will take our place, just as we did with the dinasaous.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm |
    • Steve

      Why are we even talking about this? The world ended when they cancelled M*A*S*H.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm |
      • Littleboopsie

        My mom died watching that show. People like you make me sick.

        January 12, 2012 at 9:40 pm |
  46. Francis

    All you need is a shotgun, a few Molotov's, and a pipe bomb to deal with the zombies.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      Double tap!

      January 12, 2012 at 4:34 pm |
    • ________________

      And when the sun comes up they disintegrate.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:56 am |
    • melvinslizard

      One word... CARDIO.

      January 13, 2012 at 2:27 pm |
  47. TruAmerikan

    The hardest part about the Zombie Appocolipse will be hiding how much fun I'm having.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm |
    • chrism

      laugh now, before they've eaten your BRAINZ

      January 12, 2012 at 5:03 pm |
      • Rajeev

        #1 Kenny Chesney fan on October 25, 2011 I don't know about Seventeen but GirlsLife is real because i won from their. Twice. I'm not sure ugothh. I would think they are real because if someone actually did win they still would have to spend money no matter what

        March 5, 2012 at 3:58 am |
  48. Oort

    The Oort cloud is not hypothesized. It's really there. Otherwise everything was accurate, we r dumed.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:10 pm |
  49. Mike

    Ya baby! With the end of this world and a fresh start I will not have to pay off all those nasty credit cards and all that money that I put into gold and guns will finally pay off! Plus I get to be the big shot this time around and buy a mansion out of Houston....

    January 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm |
  50. Tim G

    Let's not forget The Grey Goo.

    Also Ice Nine,

    January 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm |
  51. Are you telling me....

    That ZOMBIES aren't real?? That I have wasted all that money and time on books to prepare and even gone to the CDC website to validate the Zombie Apocolypse? Say it ain't so!!!

    January 12, 2012 at 4:03 pm |
    • TruAmerikan

      Don't worry. It will happen. Just be ready.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:16 pm |
      • Sarva

        Posted on Do you people have a fcbeaook fan page? I looked for one on twitter but could not discover one, I would really like to become a fan!

        April 8, 2012 at 6:46 am |
    • Littleboopsie

      Please refer to my earlier posting to Leaf on the wind.

      January 12, 2012 at 9:44 pm |
  52. Jonathan

    "The omega point – which some believe we’ll reach in 2012 – is the culmination of evolution. Humans will be organized in the best possible way, which then will lead to telepathy and a transcendence."

    Judging from this year's election season so far, I'd say this one is at least a few years away. 🙂

    January 12, 2012 at 4:02 pm |
  53. Edward Longshanks I

    Who cares if the world ends tommorrow, as long as I got a honey to park my 10 inch siege cannon, I'm good.

    January 12, 2012 at 4:01 pm |
    • Tim

      sorry buddy, I saw the movie, she gives it up for william wallace

      January 12, 2012 at 4:35 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      You park your "cannon" in a beehive? Ow.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:39 pm |
    • Tex Gritter

      Dang, Edrow. If your tallywhacker is ten inches and "only" a seige gun, I intend to keep my lil' ol' howitzer behind the bullworks. And I thought I was going through life with some fairly heavy ordnance!

      January 12, 2012 at 6:04 pm |
  54. Things you wonder about

    God is not going to let the a secret as big as the Apocalypse slip out years ahead on the Internet. He likes to surprise us!

    January 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm |
    • Bonnie

      God reveals his secret unto his servants the prophets.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:46 pm |
      • Elijah of Revelation

        Indeed. The world cannot end in 2012 because the 7-year covenant with Israel has not yet begun. The beast, however, has already suffered the mortal head wound. We knew him once as Usama bin-Laden. Today, he goes by the name of Mullah Omar. And when he rises from the sea we shall know him as Usama bin-Laden once again. But fear not, for fear is for those without faith. Faith is for those who fear being lost. Peace be upon you all.

        January 12, 2012 at 7:03 pm |
      • melvinslizard

        ...usually after the fact...

        January 13, 2012 at 3:17 pm |
  55. Angel #1584273036

    What a bunch of morons thinking the world is going to end in 2012.

    As all right thinking people know, the world ended July 23rd, 2004 at 4:53:28 PM EDT.
    And no, you can't have the weekend to think it over.
    Anyone still thinking they were alive after this time is just a disembodied spirit fooling themselves.

    HAH ! ! !

    January 12, 2012 at 3:59 pm |
    • ________________

      You mean I bought my Glenn Beck survival backpack for nothin'?


      January 13, 2012 at 6:58 am |
  56. Jodey

    If your awaken, dont worry. We cant even die, We will come back with a bigger head.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:57 pm |
  57. N Sight

    I have pretty solid proof that the future is dark. Several good medical studies have recently found that groups composed of careful individuals who have correct weight, exercise daily at least one hour, and eat only a vegetable diet still all die.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:55 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      "careful individuals who have correct weight, exercise daily at least one hour, and eat only a vegetable " are already dead. Those ARE the zombies.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:44 pm |
      • melvinslizard

        I only eat vegetarians nom-nom-nom-nom

        January 13, 2012 at 3:18 pm |
      • Yossarian


        January 13, 2012 at 10:46 pm |
  58. Joo-maga

    What about the grey goo? Personally, my money is on the consumption of all life of Earth by self-replicating nano-bots.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm |
  59. Snark Knight

    You left out the Vogons.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:51 pm |
    • Devin

      We purposely didn't invite them. They're just moody and rude. And their poetry... Ugh!

      January 12, 2012 at 4:49 pm |
    • ________________

      Aba fongool the Vogons.

      January 13, 2012 at 6:58 am |
    • Rolf

      Heh, well Mr. Barnett may be wonderful and all, but a llitte slow: Of course some things deserve a reprise. Three times may not even be enough.

      August 3, 2012 at 4:23 am |
  60. tb63

    Sing it with me:

    There's got to be a morning after...

    January 12, 2012 at 3:46 pm |
  61. Bender

    I welcome our new machine overlords!

    January 12, 2012 at 3:44 pm |
    • ________________

      Bow down and pray to my Mac, naive!

      January 13, 2012 at 6:59 am |
  62. survival

    Another good resource:

    January 12, 2012 at 3:35 pm |
  63. Big Al


    January 12, 2012 at 3:26 pm |
  64. Jen

    In case of zombie apocalypse, get behind a gamer!

    January 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm |
    • Tim

      Why is the spot in mother's basement behind the Lazyboy so safe??

      January 12, 2012 at 3:31 pm |
    • Officer Friendly

      Ha! Yes, a redneck gamer like me who loves shooting in real life as well 🙂

      January 12, 2012 at 3:37 pm |
  65. DeeNYC

    The end is coming!! Send me your money!! Anyone who believes in a date that marks the end of the world has some serious intelligence issues and no common sense.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      Don't tell them that! You should have left off that last sentence and ended with "send me your money."

      January 12, 2012 at 4:00 pm |
    • johnP

      Actually to all of you who are so certian the world will not end. How is it that you can be so certian of yourself? You must be really very smart people. You should be running the world! I bet if you were running the world every thing would be so perfect......all because of your common sence.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:52 pm |
  66. Respect

    All you need to know how much this is a hoax and a chance to capitalize financially is when one of the largest builders of apocalypse shelters said on MSNBC that he does NOT believe in the end times, but produces the shelters based on demand.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm |
  67. LC

    So let me get this straight: the Mayan calendar is coming to an end and with it, the world, right? MY calendar ends EVERY YEAR on December 31. Guess what happens? No drama, no zombies, nothing. I get another calendar.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:18 pm |
    • Tim

      And that new calendar usually comes from my insurance agent.....maybe he is behind this whole thing??

      January 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm |
    • Officer Friendly

      Yeah, I was surprised to find out from the story that this is the end of the 13th version of the Mayan calendar and the beginning of the 14th on Dec 21, 2012 (something about “baktuns”). I had only ever heard the whole End of the Mayan calendar = end of the world.

      Funny how no one ever mentioned that 12 other Mayan long count calendars have ended and started a new over the past 5000 years, yet there was no end of the world during any of those.

      January 12, 2012 at 3:43 pm |
      • gman

        Not that we know about. There is no information from the Mayans that says after the end of the world, and its eventual re-birth that the next "version" of humans have the memories of the previous.

        January 12, 2012 at 4:53 pm |
  68. elr

    I like the idea of the Omega Point, but to think that we, humans, will be at the ideal organizational point in a year is beyond hope. I am pretty sure I will still be missing things on my calendar, much less transcendence.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      That one made me laugh. Cooperative humans - isn't that an oxymoron?

      You liked the idea that we would all be basically in each other's heads? Weird . . .

      January 12, 2012 at 4:04 pm |
  69. Syph

    I was chatting to a Mr. Jesus H. Christ over a coffee at Starbucks the other day and asked him about this Dec 21st business and he laughed at me and said the way suicide bombers are showing up lately as soon as 'Virgins 'R' Us' runs out and can't supply the 40 girls each anymore they will have to shut the whole operation down. He figured July 18th was more reasonable.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      ROFLMAO! 😛

      January 12, 2012 at 4:07 pm |
    • Rogerio

      Judy I wish I could tell you! But frost dates are not organized by zip code. You rlleay need to go to the and follow the instructions. I just added a screencast to help walk you through the process.Depending on where you live, your frost dates may not be listed in my chart. I am working on a solution for those who have earlier frost dates.

      April 14, 2012 at 4:16 pm |
  70. Island Alpha

    I got your Big Crunch Omega Point Nemisis Zombocalypse right here.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:14 pm |
    • melvinslizard

      one word – penicillin

      January 13, 2012 at 3:35 pm |
  71. Andrew McSherry

    Does specialty in "paranormal pop-culture" mean he's seen every episode of 'The Walking Dead' and 'Ancient Aliens'? This article is a joke. It worries me the number of people that buy into this garbage.

    And to the comment about the image being of someone of middle-eastern decent – are you kidding me?

    January 12, 2012 at 3:12 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      Pop culture isn't something people believe in, it's something people enjoy. I find end-of-the-world theories amusing and entertaining, and I think you'll find that to be true for most people. Only the nut-job minority actually believe in any of this. Make sure your glass of McSherry is half full, my friend. 😉

      January 12, 2012 at 4:12 pm |
  72. RockGod

    We are in the final days, The Jews have been returning to Israel and 1947 has much more serious concequences then many realize. There would be wars and rumours of wars...We have more wars raging then ever before in history. Man would travel here and there easily, planes and now even space travel. World famines, and ruined economies...and the perfect enviroment for the rise of the anti christ... The days are short...

    January 12, 2012 at 3:11 pm |
    • webknight

      The world will end not because of God but because of religious nut jobs, who want the world to end. A self fulfilling prophecy you might say. The idea that somehow we have more wars now is ridiculous. Certainly more people are dying in wars, but that's because we have more powerful weapons, and idiots in power who are ready to use them.

      January 12, 2012 at 3:23 pm |
      • Officer Friendly

        Actually, thanks to technology, less people are dying in wars now than ever before because we are more precise in our killing, and have better medicine and technology to save those that would have died in the past. Look at the major wars the US is in, we're only talking what, 100,000's dead (mostly those of our "enemies"). Throw in Africa's on going conflicts and genocides and you're probably pushing a million or two.

        Go back to WWII, millions dead. Go back to the Crusades and other major, historic, globe crossing wars, millions upon millions dead. Go back 50,000 years+ before today, oops, no humans as we know them.

        Go back 70 million years ago, dinosaurs were killing each other by the millions, then poof... All species on the planet fight to survive, whether it's killing other species or their own to do so.

        January 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm |
    • mightaswellbe

      Yes, the days are short. But getting longer because we have passed the winter solstice. Spring is on the way folks.

      January 12, 2012 at 3:40 pm |
    • Observer

      "We have more wars raging then ever before in history"

      Sorry, but you don't know ANYTHING about history.

      January 12, 2012 at 3:58 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      More wars than ever? Even if that were true, which I doubt, don't you think it be due to the fact that we a lot more people than ever? Oh, sorry . . . that would require thinking on your part, and even doing math. Never mind.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:15 pm |
    • Chris

      Yeah, there's billions of planets in the universe, but somehow ours is going to come to a grinding, firey hault, along with the rest of the universe. Quit following the teachings of texts that existed before people knew the world is round and grow up.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm |
  73. jb

    I like the plot from "the day after tomorrow".
    It seems more logical.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm |
    • Tobias

      fjcarl on February 20, 2010 This car isn't that great. LIttle hnitgs go on it and aren't covered by warranty. Outside mirror got unhinged cost $400to replace, inside vanity mirror broke, back storage pops open, power mirrors drop down a bit letting cold air in. And the drive is so so.

      March 7, 2012 at 1:44 am |
  74. Leucadia Bob

    January 12, 2012 at 3:05 pm |
    • BethTX

      Good point. My counterpoint is that sausage is good, too.

      January 12, 2012 at 3:22 pm |
  75. caesar

    I think everyone generalizes.

    January 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm |
    • Tanker

      Is there another word for synonim?

      January 12, 2012 at 3:15 pm |
    • KKDenver


      January 12, 2012 at 3:20 pm |
  76. Tim

    Or you could walk out into the street and die while getting hit by a bus. From your prospective, the result is the same. Romanticizing the end only serves as a feeble attempt to highlight oneself and feed the ego. Most likely we will all die of some common ailment/affliction or accident. I hate to be the one to spoil the end of the book.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
  77. Darth Cheney

    I see no definitions of "fraudulent", "delusional", or "idiotic". Surely these are relevant to the discussion.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:56 pm |
    • Bucklee

      well done sir

      January 12, 2012 at 3:16 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      Of course, but that would involve logic, and where's the fun in that?

      January 12, 2012 at 4:18 pm |
  78. HackOmikron

    This is deserving of front page news.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:54 pm |
  79. End of the world as we know it...

    And I feel fine.

    Nice nod to REM.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:50 pm |
  80. LouAz

    nd of the world as we know it ? Repub-TPer election of simple majority in the House and 41 in the Senate in 2012 for the 113th Congress.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm |
    • LouAz

      End of the . . .

      January 12, 2012 at 2:48 pm |
    • Tim

      the out of context political comments are just tired (for both sides, please for the love of humanity, take off the tinted glasses for a least a few minutes a day)

      January 12, 2012 at 3:06 pm |
      • Bucklee

        And a real bad comment to boot...

        January 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      And the Wan.ker Award for being the first to make this about American politics goes to . . . LouAZ! Congratulations!

      January 12, 2012 at 4:22 pm |
  81. DZA

    If it wasn't for the Spanish massacring all those people in the 17th century, maybe the Mayans would have completed their stupid calendar...

    January 12, 2012 at 2:47 pm |
    • Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

      Notice that their calendar was the only use that the Mayans had for the wheel. But who needs the wheel when you can have slave carry everything. At least the Spanish had slaves AND the wheel. And firearms. And smallpox...

      January 12, 2012 at 2:59 pm |
      • mightaswellbe

        LOL, love the Firesign Theater reference there Quid.

        I am always torn between 'We're all Bozos on this Bus'
        'All I know is that every thing you know is wrong'

        January 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm |
    • Jesse from KC

      *Roles eyes*

      Can't you read? The Mayan calander is 100% complete, it just starts over in 2012. They didnt' die out while writing it, they finished it centuries before they died out. It just... starts over again. No big deal.

      January 12, 2012 at 3:13 pm |
      • DZA

        "*Roles eyes*"

        It was a joke, Captain Spellcheck. Thanks for playing.

        January 12, 2012 at 3:28 pm |
      • bird

        and you know this how? were you around back then? have you talked to a mayan recently about it? Your speculation is no different than any one else's.

        January 12, 2012 at 3:48 pm |
    • Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

      mightaswellbe: Then you're aware that the Aztecs invented the vacation...

      January 12, 2012 at 5:34 pm |
  82. Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

    Pseudo-science if that, all worthy as being little more than fodder for the latest made-for-SyFy turkey-of-the-month.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm |
  83. BethTX

    This article proves that even the supposedly educated can be retarded.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:44 pm |
    • Lucifer

      we are all screwed....

      January 12, 2012 at 2:58 pm |
      • Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

        Speak for yourself. I wish I was getting screwed a little more regularly.

        January 12, 2012 at 3:00 pm |
  84. Anon

    Wow, the picture you choose is someone of "middle eastern" descent?

    January 12, 2012 at 2:43 pm |
    • ksig162

      I think it's a skinny Wario

      January 12, 2012 at 2:51 pm |
    • End of the world as we know it...

      Pretty sure that's just a guy dress like a Grim Reaper with a mustache. You're looking for an argument, aren't you?

      January 12, 2012 at 2:52 pm |
    • Levi

      LOL clearly you're joking. Its the grim reaper and he looks romanian if anything 😛

      January 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm |
    • Bucklee

      What if he is Middle Eastern? What if he were Italian, African, Chinese or God's sake White?


      January 12, 2012 at 3:25 pm |
    • Leaf on the Wind

      Who do you mean by "you"? I assumed the picture was of the author, Aaron Sagers, in a Grim Reaper costume.

      January 12, 2012 at 4:27 pm |
    • Quid Malmborg in Plano TX

      Why do you say he's Middle Eastern? The size of his nose? Geez, racist much???

      January 12, 2012 at 6:29 pm |
    • Littleboopsie

      Yeah! And why choose a Sunni?

      January 12, 2012 at 9:56 pm |
  85. Wow....

    1st thing, people have been saying the world was coming to an end since recorded time, why would now days be any different?

    2nd If the Mayans could predict the end of the world, why couldn't they predict their end, and kill the Spanish while on their boats?

    I'll see ya December 22nd 2012.

    January 12, 2012 at 2:20 pm |
    • Levi

      The calander marks the end of the age not the end of the world. Don't be stupid

      January 12, 2012 at 2:55 pm |
      • Chad

        Even if it's not the end of Earth, it could still be the end of mankind. Remember the dinosaurs had ages, too.

        January 12, 2012 at 4:36 pm |
      • Devin

        "Even if it's not the end of Earth, it could still be the end of mankind. Remember the dinosaurs had ages, too."

        And at age five, little Rex was horrified to discover his birthday party was ruined because none of the other dinosaurs could put on the little hats his mom bought, due to the fact the herbivores were all eaten by the carnivores, and the carnivores had really tiny arms that couldn't reach the tops of their own heads.

        January 12, 2012 at 5:23 pm |
    • TheTruth

      1. Mayan made calendar and died on the same day Spanish murder the maker of calender?

      2. Mayan ran out of 'Ink'

      3. Nobody can counting number forever, so Mayan stop counting at Dec 21, 2012.

      January 14, 2012 at 6:11 am |
      • TheTruth

        Oh and did Calendar said when it was made? Just curious.

        January 14, 2012 at 6:12 am |
    • MashaSobaka

      The Maya abandoned their cities *before* the arrival of the Spanish. You're confusing them with the Aztecs. It's okay...a lot of people do.

      January 15, 2012 at 7:54 pm |