Editor's note: AdultSwim.com, one of our geeky friends in the Time Warner universe, put together a commendable list of the institutions and universities we wish we had actually gone to. Check it out!
When you consider famous fictional colleges, titles like Animal House or Revenge of the Nerds immediately come to mind. Here's the thing, though: Faber College wasn't nearly as exceptional as John Belushi's zit impression. Adams College was little more than the stage on which the nerds took their heavily-suspendered stand. Here are some nonexistent schools that stand out for their campuses, faculty, and institutional achievements.
For Celebrating Diversity:
- Greendale Community College (Community)
What's not to like about Greendale? A laid-back campus of amiable sociopaths and anxiety-wracked professors, an incredible wealth of throw-away classes ranging from pottery to billiards, Alison Brie... Greendale has it all. None of that holds a candle, though, to the college's most unique feature: an annual, faculty-sanctioned paintball war. Except for Alison Brie, obviously.
- Port Chester University (PCU)
Fiercely proud of its adherence to political correctness, PCU is all about equal opportunities– unless you're an underground fraternal order led by David Spade in his heyday or Jeremy Piven before he got his masters degree in heinous douchery.
- Wossamotta University (Rocky & Bullwinkle)
Before it could boast such famous alumni as Kenan & Kel, Wossamotta University was celebrated for being far ahead of its time as the first college to accept and enroll an adult bull moose. Though he never graduated, they would eventually bestow Bullwinkle with an Honorary Mooster's degree. Now there's some real diversity. Suck it, Port Chester!
For Specialized Career Training:
- Acme Looniversity (Tiny Toon Adventures)
Its student body may have been higher-pitched, teenage proteges of better characters, but with classes like Hard Knocks, Advanced Wild Takes and Anvil Dropping 101, "Acme Loo" stands out as the only University where abusing students is an integral part of the curriculum. Its accreditation is questionable, but it probably doesn't matter-the alumni have never gone on to accomplish anything of significance.
- Xavier Institute for Higher Learning (X-Men)
The Xavier Institute adheres to a strict policy of discriminating against human applicants and only admitting mutant students, making this one of the most exclusive private schools in the world. The unwitting emphasis on physical education and combat training is balanced by an undeniably ambitious fashion department. (Hope you like thigh belts and utility pouches.)
For Magic and Robe Stuff:
- Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Wizardry (Harry Potter)
Are you an abused British youth? Do you wish emails and texts could be replaced with a far more archaic and feathery form of message delivery? Can you rock an oversized scarf? Then why not consider Hogwarts? Why aren't you answering any of these questions?
- Unseen University (Discworld)
Long before Hogwarts stole its thunder, Unseen University was regarded as the number one institution for aspiring wizards. With a faculty comprised of bloated, greedy, neurotic spell-casters (and, in one specific case, an orangutan), new students are met with a challenging array of life-threatening classes that are just as likely to kill them as the labyrinthian grounds themselves.
For Making Out With Green Chicks:
- Starfleet Academy (Star Trek)
The Academy trains new recruits with the skills needed to serve, command, and chew scenery aboard a wide array of starships. Enrollment guarantees that you'll become well-versed in a great number of subjects and skills such as combat, navigation and linguistics. Be warned, however: there are mandatory courses in public speaking, melodrama, and toupee maintenance.
- Mars University (Futurama)
Mars U is quite similar to other, more traditional institutions in many ways, with the notable exceptions of being both on another planet and in the distant future. For those hoping to escape the watchful, invasive eyes of their parents, this is probably ideal.
- Tromaville High (Class of Nuke'em High)
It's not a University or College, but Tromaville High is the only academic facility located within one mile of a malfunctioning nuclear power plant. Rampant radiation ensures that there has to be at least one green-skinned chick who's willing to put out before Geometry, so long as her shriveled spit-up pot baby doesn't mutate and kill her first.